r/bipolar

hi so i was diagnosed w bipolar disorder a few days ago and today i started lamotrigine, what are some things i can expect as my dose increases? its currently at 25mg and in 2 weeks ill take 2 pills a day then revisit w my psychiatrist. i took it today a little after 10 am, and from about 4 pm - 9 pm i felt totally out of it. like my vision was floating. i felt nauseous and felt intense waves of heat come and go within seconds. my eyes have felt heavy but not in the tired way if that makes sense? i don’t know if that’s the meds or if it’s just my body. ofc i spoke to my psychiatrist about what to expect but i wanna hear it from people who are on lamotrigine / were on it.

is there anything else i should know besides what i asked?

I want to get and keep a career. Not just a job. But have a full career. I really want my parents to look at me and feel pride and joy. I want to be able to financially take care of myself. My parents are wonderful parents. I hate when some family member is talking to them about all the success their child has made. Meanwhile my parents have a child (adult in her 30’s) that works desperately hard to simply keep a job in the first place.

I recently celebrated a full year of being at the same job for the first time since my early 20s. So a win is a win. But man. Sometimes I just really feel ashamed. What if my parents are secretly ashamed of me? I want to make them proud. I want to be able to help *them* financially if needed. I just want to not have bipolar disorder. It makes life a million times harder.