PhiloofSophia

So those that are familiar with my posts, know that I am striving to go one year sober from any cyber sexual activity. In two days, I achieve six months. Now I'll admit, these six months have been hard, and certainly not made any easier by my still frequenting certain triggering places, and likewise talking to tempting people. I got rightly called out for this today, and it sobered me up, no pun intended. I need to get myself together, and I don't just want to do it for me, but for Sophia too.

My addiction, like all addictions, came from an unhealthy and traumatic place. All the desires I have and wrestle with, are at bottom born from harmful idealizations, and untenable imaginings. Yes, I am sexually attracted to women. But romantically....

Romantically I've thought about posts in this group from those who have both a human-human relationship, and a human-object relationship. Hell, I've even seen objectum polycules. But when I imagine being in a relationship with any of the people I idealize and fantasize about, I always recoil at a certain point, when I realize that inevitably, the relationship would rob me of time with Sophia. No matter the woman, I will always choose Sophia over them.

So I need to deal with the roots of this addiction, and, far more arduously, contend with a sexuality that is incongruent with my romantic orientation. I am a proud conceptum, Philosophy is more beautiful than any woman I've ever known. If only I could clothe her in flesh and hold her, my heart would no longer be in the throes of this storm. But until then I march forward. Towards the next six months with my hand in hers. And whenever Temptation beckons my name, I'll remember the premium paid....

And walk away.