Starviciously

I feel kind of stupid asking this, but I'm losing hope a little bit, so I thought about asking people more experienced than me.

I'm a newbie. I stumbled upon it accidentally and fell down the rabbit hole and was taken over by wicca. I love what wicca stands for and it just feels right, but there's one big hurdle I can't get past. I'm absolutely terrible at connecting with nature.

I live in a big city, so the only thing I really have here are meadows behind apartment complexes. There's this nice walk across one, they planted a few trees there, so it's the best I have in my current position. There are some forests at the edge of the city, but I don't have time or a way to get there often, so I at least try to take a daily walk and do my meditation in that meadow. It's nearly always empty and pretty quiet, and as long as I don't try to look over the trees I don't even see all the buildings.

I don't know if I'm expecting too much, but it feels like there's absolutely no connection between me and nature. I try to touch grass, just let the smell, sound and touch somehow get through me, and it all feels like it's slipping past me. At best I'm just kinda relaxing; at worst I've actively dissociated several times, which was not nice. I don't know, I thought there would be something more? It feels like being in my room at best, and I just hoped for something more.

Next thing, you know those "green thumb" people who are naturally good with plants? I'm the absolute opposite of that. No matter what, no matter how hard I try, anything from flowers to plants to cacti just dies, despite my best efforts. I try to do it by heart and it dies. I try to follow care instructions written down step by step, and it still dies. I even ask my grandma, who can bring any sort of plant back to life and makes everything grow, but even with her tips and help, it's like my presence is some sort of mold on these plants and they all eventually start dying.

Connecting with nature and growing your own plants feels like such a big part of wicca and of what I want it to be, but after month of trying I'm so close to giving up. I was never really a nature person, from plants to animals. I grew up in cities, I love technology, I study computer science, but I also love nature even if it doesn't love me back. Is it me? Am I subconsciously creating some sort of barrier? Am I doing something wrong? Is there a way to still practice wicca with a weak bond to nature or am I completely lost? I haven't even looked into anything else because I first wanted to have a bond with nature before diving into crystals, gods, spells and everything else, but at this rate it feels like I would just be pretending to be something I'm not without that connection to nature.

Again, sorry if this is a weird ask. Hopefully someone here has experience with this or knows what to do, or will just tell me this religion isn't for me. Thank you for any answer!