Knockoutxxx

I mean, some people take tests and get different numbers every time. So they study enneagram, and they're such a mosaic that they can't fully relate to one type even when looking at motivations and fears. Not all, but most of these people have likely put 1000x more work into their type than you did. It is usually a result of trauma throughout their life. Just a heads up. You also don't sound like a 9. At all.

Tell me, what would happen if you did the same thing to MIL that SIL did to her? I know it isn't right, but if she is putting your kids last because she was threatened by SIL, and telling you to basically keep quiet and be miserable to appease SIL, that is toxic.

To be blunt it seems that MIL and DH are the issue here, and if it weren't for them you would have already stood tall and told SIL to sit the hell down.

I know you said you didn't want to hear husband bashing, but your husband needs to tell his mother off. It seems to me he is choosing his mother over you, her feelings clearly come over yours. He married you. I won't be even more blunt for your sake but that is not okay and you do not deserve to be treated this way. I'm sorry you have so much anger built up, but reading your story I can see why. It is horrifying.

Great advice!