Busy_Caramel6522
u/Busy_Caramel6522
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I wish i could get the people in my life to understand that hormones are that important. I’m intersex “AFAB”, technically labeled as female but I have several small deviations and my hormones have much higher androgen levels. I’ve always thought and felt and acted like a guy, much to the annoyance of my family for not picking up in the subtleties of womanhood, but when I got rested and told them that they don’t really understand 😭 and definitely don’t understand why I’d want to try and transition to look more like a man too. They don’t think hormones are significant enough as if I was born with more obvious physical differences.
I think you look more masc in the barefaced photos honestly. A lot of “masc makeup” tutorials (at least that I’ve tried 🥲) can end up looking more feminizing to the average person because of the visible makeup particularly contour and eyeshadow.
If you want to use makeup still, usually what I default to is thickening my eyebrows with mascara or some sort of brow product (but one that goes on the hair itself, on the skin is noticeable) and going over any facial hair I have with a bit of it and then washing some back off to look like I accidentally missed a few hairs when shaving. I’ll add a bit of neutral dark brown that matches my skintone in the curve between my eyebrow and nose and blend it in real well and it’s usually not noticeable but makes the browbone and nose more prominent. It’s a small routine but it works better than the more complex ones in my experience, tends to get me “sir”ed in passing more often than ma’am.
In my imagination I was almost always a boy, but I just worked around it when I was deeply Christian. I’d fantasize about my life with my “future husband” but I’d always put myself in the man’s shoes. Whenever I dreamed, especially when I started having wet dreams, I was almost always a boy/man. I only really read boy adventure books and I’d daydream myself as Percy Jackson, doing cool boy stuff and having a girlfriend lol (didn’t know being gay was a thing at the time until I got later on in that series actually, so having a girlfriend was kinda a mental way to seem more boyish). When I learned about being intersex I thought that was cool and wished I was because then I’d be allowed to date whoever I wanted (by my own logic anyway) and would be allowed to look androgynous.
Then growing up more and learning about gender expansive identities, all my fantasies immediately moved to being kind of masc-androgynous and being able to do both freely without question. Whenever I play video games I always change my character to be nonbinary/intersex if I can, and either a very masculine woman or feminine man if it isn’t an option. I told myself it was just so I could make them date whoever because I admitted I was bi at that point, but it was actually because I also wanted to be that way, which I finally acknowledged recently and Im in therapy to figure out my identity. Also I jinxed myself and I am intersex but was just not self aware about my body as a kid (also didn’t help that I saw no scientific nude images so had no idea what I “should” or “shouldn’t” look like). Always gets on my nerves when people say that gender expansive identities are solely to try and be edgy for attention, I’d like nothing more than to just do my thing and never have anybody ask me questions about it or bring it up again 😭😭
(Sorry I didn’t see this, my internet is spotty!)
I definitely understand the complexity you’re trying to avoid here by transitioning ASAP. If you want to go on as quick as possible, even just taking a mental break of a week or two to do some research and develop a plan would be tons of help for your stress levels.
I’m not sure how long it will take for you to be allowed to get on hormones (it differs greatly, in my area it’s banned below 18, and can take months before you get it prescribed) so I’d be careful banking on those changed to be immediate and strong within a year’s time. I’ve seen some people who get on T and look massively different in 6 months and for some it takes several years to process. Planned Parenthood (if you have them in your area) can prescribe it more quickly than the more traditional route in some cases, but you will need to pay out of pocket.
Working out is still a great idea both for your health and also for passing. But I do still stand by my point that starvation doesn’t help passing. All it did for me was make me look like a dying skinny girl. A properly planned and researched calorie deficit could hypothetically help (depending on your hormone issue), but cutting meals without a plan can sometimes mess you up even more to where you gain more weight instead of less. If your dad insists on eating vegan, could you try to ask him to buy you beans, chickpeas, legumes, nuts, and tofu if he doesn’t already? Those are good and mostly cheap sources of protein, which will help you gain muscle, easy to cook, and honestly taste better than just eating the often kinda gross meat replacements.
