r/offmychest

i always thought i liked being alone. i used to look forward to having my own space and not having to deal with noise or other people's schedules.

now that i actually spend most of my time by myself, i've realized there's a big difference between enjoying solitude and feeling isolated.

some days i don't mind it at all. other days i realize i haven't had a real conversation with anyone outside of work, and it hits me harder than i expect.

i'm not looking for sympathy or anything. i just needed to admit that i miss having people around, even though i was convinced this was exactly what i wanted.

I'm not sure why but I feel deep in my soul I'll never find my someone. I kinda always felt this way and I tried to fight it but it just led to four men who used me. Four men who didn't care about who I was, what they were doing to me, and used my body for their own pleasure.

I told my ex "maybe I wasn't meant for love, maybe I wasn't cut out for a relationship or friendship" and he just told me "I really hope you find someone. You deserve it more than anyone else I know but I think you might be right." Not because he felt I was weak but because he knows my heart is genuine, I love completely and the world is only full of people who want to abuse that like him. He knows my story has only been full of heartbreak from friends and lovers alike.

I think it's time I accept that I was never meant for more or happily ever after. The world keeps showing me I can't trust others so I gotta trust myself, trust my heart. My heart says there is no one on this earth that will match or, I was meant to be alone.

— This isn't depression talking, I felt this when I was in relationships too. I'm done fighting fate. If people only want to hurt me then Im not going to even give them a chance. Everyone lies, don't believe the smiles and kind words. They only want to use you.

I’m 21 now and it shouldn’t affect me as much because it’s been so long but when I saw my family greeted him in the family groupchat, I feel terrible.

It happened in my grandma’s house, all the adults were in the kitchen and I was walking out of the house when he stopped me. Him and I were close, I always had a sleepover at my grandma’s with my cousins. My uncle lived there so that’s how we got close. I managed to got away after he groped me and tried to pull my pants down.

I told my mum about this and she said don’t tell anyone or I’m going to cause our family to fall apart.

My mum knows and she still greets him happy birthday today I feel so betrayed and hurt. I feel like she chooses him over me. She knows how much this hurts me and how it still affects me and my relationship with men. I feel so alone.