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Melissa Febos

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Melissa Febos
Born
Falmouth, Massachusetts
OccupationWriter and professor
NationalityAmerican
Alma materThe New School (BA)
Sarah Lawrence College (MFA)
GenreNon-fiction, memoir
Notable awardsNational Book Critics Circle Award (2021)
NEA Fellowship (2022)
Guggenheim Fellow (2022)
SpouseDonika Kelly
Website
www.melissafebos.com

Melissa Febos is an American writer and professor.[1] She is the author of five books, including the memoirs Whip Smart (2010) and The Dry Season (2025).[2][3] Her essay collection Girlhood (2021) won the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award.[4][5]

She's had work featured in The New York Times, The Paris Review, Salon, Bomb, Hunger Mountain, Prairie Schooner, The Kenyon Review, Tin House, Granta, Post Road, Dissent, Vogue, The Believer, The New Yorker, The Sewanee Review, Bitch Magazine, The Guardian, and The Chronicle of Higher Education.[3][6]

Early life and education

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Febos was born and raised in Falmouth, Massachusetts.[7] Her father was a sea captain and her mother was a therapist. She left home at 16 years old, after passing the GED, and moved to Boston, where she worked an assortment of jobs including one as a boatyard hand and another as a chambermaid.[3]

She attended night courses at Harvard Extension School before moving to New York City and enrolling in The New School in August 1999. She graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in Writing/Literature.[8] She later earned a Master of Fine Arts in Writing at Sarah Lawrence College.[6]

Career

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Febos is the author of Whip Smart, published by St. Martin's Press in 2010, a memoir of her work as a professional dominatrix while she was studying at The New School.[2][9][10][11] Her second book, the lyric essay collection Abandon Me, was published by Bloomsbury Publishing on February 28, 2017.[12] Abandon Me was a Lambda Literary Award finalist and a Publishing Triangle Award finalist,[13] and one of "The Best Reviewed Books of 2017" by Literary Hub.[14]

In May 2018, Febos received the inaugural Lambda Literary Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction. "The award goes to a writer committed to nonfiction work that captures the depth and complexity of lesbian/queer life, culture and/or history."[15]

Her third book and second essay collection, Girlhood, was published by Bloomsbury Publishing on March 30, 2021.[16][17] It was a national bestseller.[18] Describing Girlhood, The New York Times wrote, "The aim of this book, though, is not simply to tell about her own life, but to listen to the pulses of many others’...This solidarity puts “Girlhood” in a feminist canon that includes Febos’s idol, Adrienne Rich, and Maggie Nelson’s theory-minded masterpieces: smart, radical company, and not ordinary at all."[19]

She was the co-curator, with Rebecca Keith, of the monthly Mixer Reading and Music series on the Lower East Side for ten years.[20] A four-time MacDowell Colony fellow, Febos has received fellowships from Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Vermont Studio Center, and the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference. Her essays have won awards from Prairie Schooner and StoryQuarterly, and for five years she was on the Board of Directors of Vida: Women in Literary Arts.[3][6]

Febos's third essay collection, Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative, combines memoir and craft advice, and was published by Catapult in 2022.[21] Kirkus Reviews starred review described the book as a "strongly worded manifesto—despite her claim on the first page that it is not a manifesto. In fact, her impassioned theses and proclamations about writing are exactly that... She further points out that memoirists do not publish raw therapeutic diaries but crafted literary works with the power to change the world."[22] Cleveland Review of Books noted that the collection "examines the intersection of trauma, art-making, and social change. The book is a call to action, a protest song, an organizing principle, and perhaps the only book you need on memoir writing."[23]

The Dry Season, her second memoir, was published by Alfred A. Knopf in 2025. The book received a starred review from Kirkus Reviews, which noted: "Although a book about abstention, at its essence this story is about understanding, reclaiming, and celebrating pleasure, rendered sublimely and with wit. A gorgeous and thought-provoking memoir about how celibacy can teach us about love."[24]

Febos has taught at SUNY Purchase College, the Gotham Writers' Workshop, The New School, Sarah Lawrence College, New York University, and Utica College. Until 2020, she was an Associate Professor and MFA Director at Monmouth University.[25] She currently holds the Roy J. Carver Professorship at the University of Iowa, where she is Director of the Nonfiction Writing Program.[6]

Reception

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Abandon Me was one of "The Best Reviewed Books of 2017."[14] It was a Lambda Literary Award and Publishing Triangle Award finalist.[13] The New Yorker called it "mesmerizing" and wrote that "the sheer fearlessness of the narrative is captivating."[26]

Girlhood was featured on Morning Joe on MSNBC,[27] and was well-reviewed by NPR.[28] Girlhood won the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Award in Criticism.[4] Body Work, was a national bestseller and Los Angeles Times Bestseller.[29][citation needed]

Her fifth book, The Dry Season, was featured on TIME Magazine's "The 100 Must-Read Books of 2025" and Vulture's "The Best Books of 2025."[30][31] It was a finalist for the 2026 Lambda Literary Awards for Lesbian Memoir/Biography.[32]

Personal life

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Febos is queer. She lives in Iowa with her wife, the poet Donika Kelly.[33]

She spoke at House of SpeakEasy's Seriously Entertaining program about her childhood and rethinking often-normalized experiences of bullying.[34]

Awards

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Bibliography

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Memoirs

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  • Whip Smart. New York, New York: St. Martin's Press. 2010. ISBN 9780312583781.
  • The Dry Season: A Memoir of Pleasure in a Year Without Sex. New York, New York: Knopf. 2025. ISBN 9780593537237.

Essay Collections

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References

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  1. ^ Rohin Guha. ‘Whip Smart’’s Melissa Febos on Diets, Dudes and Dominatrix-ing, Black Book Mag, Feb 23, 2010
  2. ^ a b Alyssa Fetini Friday, Inside the Secret World of a Dominatrix, Time Magazine, March 19, 2010
  3. ^ a b c d 'Whip Smart': Memoirs Of A Dominatrix, NPR, March 8, 2010. Interview
  4. ^ a b "Girlhood by Melissa Febos: 2021 Criticism Finalist". National Book Critics Circle. 2022-02-14. Retrieved 2022-03-25.
  5. ^ Tang, Estelle (June 3, 2025). "'Our fantasy of love has to do with need and dependency': Melissa Febos on her year of celibacy". The Guardian. Retrieved June 10, 2025.
  6. ^ a b c d "Melissa Febos". College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, The University of Iowa. Retrieved 2021-02-15.
  7. ^ "Turning Toward a More Authentic Life". The Buddhist Review: Tricycle. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  8. ^ "New School Narratives". newschool.edu. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  9. ^ Susannah Cahalan, A fine line between pleasure and pain, The Daily Telegraph February 27, 2010.
  10. ^ Alicia Rancilio, Melissa Febos' `Whip Smart' describes her life as a dominatrix, Washington Examiner, March 12, 2010
  11. ^ Dave Rosenthal. Melissa Febos' Whip Smart, The Baltimore Sun, March 8, 2010
  12. ^ 'Abandon Me,' Bloomsbury Publishing
  13. ^ a b Kristen Millares Young (2021-04-04) [2021-03-27]. "Melissa Febos's 'Girlhood' brilliantly illuminates how women are conditioned to be complicit in their own exploitation". The Washington Post. Washington, D.C. ISSN 0190-8286. OCLC 1330888409.[please check these dates]
  14. ^ a b "The Best Reviewed Books of 2017:Essay Collections". Book Marks.
  15. ^ a b "Winner Announced for Jeanne Córdova Prize for Lesbian/Queer Nonfiction". Lambda Literary. 15 May 2018.
  16. ^ "About – Melissa Febos". melissafebos.com. Archived from the original on 2016-01-20.
  17. ^ "Melissa Febos Reveals Gray Areas of Sex and Consent in 'Girlhood'". www.advocate.com. 2021-03-23. Retrieved 2021-04-21.
  18. ^ Bloomsbury.com. "Girlhood". Bloomsbury Publishing. Retrieved 2021-04-21.
  19. ^ Bonner, Betsy (2021-03-30). "Puberty, Slut-Shaming and Cuddle Parties in Melissa Febos's 'Girlhood'". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2021-04-21.
  20. ^ "Rebecca Keith - The Rumpus.net". The Rumpus. Retrieved 29 July 2011.
  21. ^ "REVIEW: Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative by Melissa Febos". Hippocampus Magazine. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  22. ^ "Body Work by Melissa Febos, Review". Kirkus Reviews. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  23. ^ Pattison-Scott, Ashley. "Writing for the Future: On Melissa Febos' "Body Work"". Cleveland Review of Books. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  24. ^ "The Dry Season: A Memoir of Pleasure in the Year Without Sex". Kirkus Reviews. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  25. ^ Wayne D. McMurray School of Humanities and Social Sciences
  26. ^ "Briefly Noted Book Reviews". The New Yorker. 3 July 2017.
  27. ^ "'Girlhood' looks at the trauma of adolescence". MSNBC.
  28. ^ Masad, Ilana (2021-03-30). "In 'Girlhood,' A Writer Examines Her Youth For Signs Of The Woman She Would Become". NPR. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  29. ^ "Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative (Paperback)". Prairie Lights Books. 15 March 2022. Retrieved 2022-03-25.
  30. ^ "The Dry Season by Melissa Febos". TIME Magazine. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  31. ^ "The Best Books of 2025". Vulture.com. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  32. ^ "Announcing the Finalists for the 38th Lambda Literary Awards". lambdaliterary.org. Retrieved 2026-05-30.
  33. ^ "Rebel girls". Salon. 2012-04-10. Retrieved 2020-12-22.
  34. ^ "Seriously Entertaining: Melissa Febos on "From This Moment On"". YouTube. 2021-03-23.
  35. ^ a b c d "Melissa Febos - MacDowell Fellow in Literature". MacDowell. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  36. ^ a b "Melissa Febos". Sarah Lawrence College. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  37. ^ Febos, Melissa. "A Big Shitty Party: Six Parables of Writing about Other People". The Kenyon Review. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  38. ^ "Awards". BARBARA DEMING MEMORIAL FUND, INC. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  39. ^ "Melissa Febos". Guernica. Archived from the original on 2025-12-18. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  40. ^ "Alumni". LMCC. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  41. ^ "The Winners". The Sarah Verdone Writing Award. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  42. ^ Boureau, Ella (6 March 2018). "30th Annual Lambda Literary Award Finalists Announced". Lambda Literary.
  43. ^ "The Judy Grahn Award for Lesbian Nonfiction". The Publishing Triangle. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
  44. ^ Schaub, Michael (17 March 2022). "Announcing the Winners of the 2021 National Book Critics Circle Awards". National Book Critics Circle.
  45. ^ "Melissa Febos". National Endowment for the Arts.
  46. ^ Rossi, Jack (2022-04-13). "Febos named 2022 Guggenheim Fellow". Iowa Now - The University of Iowa. Retrieved 2025-12-21.
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