r/OCD

I’m pushing on 40 and I still cannot stop the thoughts without alcohol. Even at 80mg of an SSRI. That’s the only reprieve I get in the day. I just have to bludgeon myself at the end of the day.

I absolutely hate the feeling that washes over me when a trigger slams into me.

Does anyone else have an extreme feeling when it hits? My stomach drops, I feel nauseated, my heart races, and I can't focus on anything else. If I'm doing something that I can't pause, I start making mistakes.

In that moment, nothing.. NOTHING.. matters except wanting to feel safe and knowing with 100% certainty that what I'm fearing in that moment is not true.

I hate it. It is the WORST, most horrifically scary feeling. I always want to cry when it happens too because I'm like here I am, this is happening again, and while I KNOW it's my OCD, the OCD bitch herself is, at the same time, telling me "Yeah but here are all the reasons why THIS time it's true and you're in danger..."

Ugh.

I just want to say thank you. I don't come here as often, but seeing so many others with OCD just makes me feel aware of how much I do is actually OCD (which is genuinely really helpful to be aware of) and a lot less alone. Not that it's good that we all have OCD, but when I don't know anyone else with OCD, or at least it isn't talked about, it feels nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. So thank you, and have a nice day :)